the incident

As Cooper's first day of Kindergarten is right around the corner, I thought we would remember the morning Grady started school.  Here's to hoping that this year's morning goes smoother than 2013. I am still just as shocked reading this 3 years later.



As I mentioned in yesterday's post, I had a little incident while I was trying to enjoy my first morning without the boys.  I am seriously still having a hard time believing that this actually happened....

Since the drop off at school went so well I was in a great mood. I decided to run a few errands at the shopping area down the street starting with Safeway, Rona, and a stop to look at some glasses.  You can never have to many pairs... right??  Then I headed back to the van with just a few more stops to go.

I hopped in the van and saw a text from Marla with a picture of little coop at school. I happily texted her back and checked my email before putting the car in reverse.  I looked in my rear view mirror as I put it in reverse and notice there is a van stopped right behind me.

I waited a few seconds and noticed she was texting so I assumed she was waiting for someone. I tapped the horn to let her know that I was waiting to back up.  No response.  I tapped the horn again. No response. I didn't really know what to do now.  She is completely blocking the back of my van.  I unroll the window to wave my arms and get her attention and tap the horn again.  She finally looks up, rolls down the window , and yells 'ARE YOU FINALLY READY TO LEAVE NOW B*TCH'.  I'm not even kidding.

I was stunned.  I put my head out the window and said something about needing to send a text before I got on the road.  I can't remember I was in such shock.

To top it all off, she didn't just nicely move her van she just barely moved enough for me to back out.  So I thought 2 can play at this game.

I opened the door, grabbed my purse, locked the van, turned to her and said nicely 'There is no way I'm giving you my spot' and walked into the store.

I'm surprised my legs got me there as by the time I picked up the phone to call James I was shaking and on the verge of tears.  I walked to the window to see if she was still there and she had left.  I was a little nervous, but I ran to my car and left.

I am still in disbelief that this happened.  Over a parking spot.  It was 10am on a Tuesday. There were tons of open spots and she picked mine as the one she needed to have.

It was none of her business why I wasn't pulling out of my stall immediately. It was my spot until I so chose to leave it.  For all she new I was breastfeeding a newborn baby in there or taking a very important phone call.  Which I kind of was - I got a text about my baby's first day at school.  Very important in my world.

I will not bring myself to her level and say something mean or uncalled for (even though it kind of would be) I will just hope that she was having a very VERY bad day and she was taking it out on me.  Because I will not believe that there are people out there that are that mean spirited.  And over a parking stall.

Thankfully, after James called back and I had a quick cry while filling my car with gas, I felt better.  I put it behind me and picked up a very happy boy from Kindergarten.   I would NOT let her ruin my day to.

Summers at the lake

This post is from April 30, 2012.  I have such fond memories of my summers at the cabin.  I am sad that my kids won't have the same lake experience, but we are working hard to create lasting memories of our summer trips to Kelowna and back to SK to visit family.



Last week, my BFFs grandmother passed away. She wrote some thoughtful posts on dying and memories that she and her cousins have of their grandmother. What I found interesting is most of the cousins commented on how they will always remember the pizza bun and the never ending supply of chocolate chip cookies in the freezer.


I am sure that if you asked my cousins what memories they have of our grandma growing up, it would without a doubt be the memories we shared at the cabin. 

The red and yellow cabins.  I have no idea who the 2 people in the picture but I am going to assume it is me and my brother.

 Luckily my Grandma is still alive and well. This year, she has decided to put the cabins up for sale. My grandpa built the cabins when my mom was a little girl. My mom often talks about her memories of growing up at the lake. Mostly about learning to water ski. If you were to go into the boat house, you would still see the small wooden skis that my mom skied on when she was young and the ones my brother and I skied on years later. Next week, the red cabin will belong to another family ready to create new memories in the cabin that will forever hold a special place in my heart.

So in honor of celebrating the good times my family shared in the cabin, here are a few of my fondest memories in no particular order:

Once a year, my grandma would take me and my brother and our 3 other cousins to the lake for a week, usually without our parents. I remember playing hide and seek and mostly hiding on Diane in the little shed. It was a scary shed that I was sure was infested with mice and spiders.

We played countless games of cards. From Crazy eights, Go Fish, to Darock (which I am convinced my uncle made up because I have never heard of it since). We would play card to decide who had to cook dinner or who had to do dishes.  Luckily as a kid, you weren't held to certain tasks.

The first time James came up to the lake with me we tried to get him up on skis.  He didn't make all the way up, but he did nearly lose his swim suit in the process.  My mom had to hold it up so he didn't moon the entire beach.  

If I didn't have this picture I wouldn't have actually believed that John made it up on skis that weekend.  Really.... John made it up and James didn't?

That is my brother kayaking in the background.  But I posted this picture for the orange boat.  This is the boat that both my mom and I learned to ski on.  Since then, my mom bought the boat from my grandma and it is still very much in use today.  Still ugly, but still being used.  You sure don't miss it on the lake. lol.

Grandma had this wicker swing at the cabin and it was everyone's favorite chair.  It nicely sat on the deck and was the coveted chair of the cabin.  If you left the chair, even to go to the bathroom, you knew you were not getting it back.  My mom bought me one for our wedding gift.  Everyone has to at least try the chair when they come over, but i must admit that people ask before they sit just to be sure!

There was also a paddle boat at the lake.  Besides swimming it was the only way to work off all the food you consumed while at the lake.  It was like there was a never ending supply of chips!  I remember paddling to the sand bar or even by the beach to see how busy it was.

Then there were the ducks... ahhhh the ducks.  When a flock was approaching the cabin, the kids would all run up to the cabin to get bread.  Grandma saved the dry bread for us to feed the ducks.  Here is a picture of my grandma feeding the ducks and Canadian geese.

 

I also remember the pancakes.  Grandma didn't make pancakes like my mom.  Grandma always put lots of oil in the pan and the edges got crispy.  They are still the best kind of pancakes in my books!

Another thing I remember about the lake was white bread.  There was always lots of white bread.  I don't remember it so much as a kid but going back as an adult who only eats very grainy bread and I remember eating white bread at the cabin :)

We had my first co-ed birthday party at the lake. I don’t actually remember this party, but I have seen the pictures so many times that I feel like I should. I was 7 after all and have memories that date back further than that!

Jenny, Michelle, Deena, brother, and I

I also remember multiple walks for ice cream.  It was about a 30 minute walk and there was always a stop at the campground park.  Grandma would always get maple walnut.  As a kid I preferred my cookies and cream and chocolate chip cookie dough. Now I don't think maple walnut is all that bad!

There were also multiple trips to the used bookstore.  One thing we all did lots of at the cabin was read!

For the majority of my childhood, Grandma had 2 boxers, Brutus and Sheeba.  We never had pets growing up as my mom was allergic to both dogs and cats so these pups were my favorite!  Grandma had a big kennel built between the 2 cabins and these 2 big dogs were always for lake fun!

Finally I found one of me up on skis.  The back of this photo said Summer 1991.  So i was 12 years old.  Eventually we got a tube and mostly used it instead of skis.  I am pretty confident I could still get up on skis if I had to.

· We had my stagette at the cabin. We all pulled out foams and 7 of us slept on the floor after going to the local pub.  The girls surprised me with this pontoon boat rental.  It was a memorable day!

Carmen, me, Dee, Alynne, Gina, Sara, Candace

When I started this post, I didn't realize how many memories I had all revolving around the lake.  Now my mom has a trailer at the same lake the we visit when we come in the summer.  At some point we will let the boys go to lake with my Mom so they can build the same memories that I had as a child.... and James can have a week of free time!  My mom would take them this year if I let her.  Not sure I am quit ready :) Maybe next year Mom!

Thanks for memories Grandma!  They will forever hold a special place in my heart.

Looking back at 1997, the year I graduated high school

This post was originally posted on ?July 5, 2011 and I remember it like it was yesterday.  I love remembering my high shcool years and knowing how different high school will be for my boys.  Hard to believe this is only 7 years away for Grady.  I was a good student, but I know that there are things that would drive my mom crazy if she knew.  #sorrymom




I had a bad morning.

Cooper and I had plans of going to Heritage Park with Nana and Grady on this beautiful summer morning. Instead I spent the better park of my morning, ahem 2 hours, trying to put Cooper to sleep. At 10:30 I pulled the plug on going to HP when Cooper was still awake. Good thing I did as he didn't fall asleep until noon. I was upset. Upset with Cooper for not sleeping and upset that I disappointed Grady by not going to meet him when I told him I would.

I was wallowing in self pity when I checked my Google Reader and saw a post from one of my favorite bloggers Kelly from Kelly's Korner. Today she posted about her 20th high school reunion. I read the top 20 songs from her graduating year of 1991 and it brought a smile to my face. I knew most of them. I have always believed that music can bring back memories more than anything else and this reinforced it. Immediately I wanted to google my own graduating year of 1997 and look at the list. So I did.

Then I thought about how fun it would be to write a post about my graduation 14 years ago. I started thinking about all the pictures I could scan and the things that have changed and just like that my mood changed for the better.

Here I am, seated outside with my lunch and a beer, taking a walk down memory lane in hopes remembering things I may have forgotten and bringing smiles to the face of some of the people in the pictures that remember the same things that I do.

Here I am in 1997 ready to take on the world.

I cannot believe I just posted this picture on the internet.

Some things we did not have in high school that will age me significantly:

-an email address. We wrote notes on paper and passed them around. Paper. I mailed letters to my friends because there were no long distance packages to make talking on the phone cheap.

-a computer. Well we had a very big and slow computer, but all it was good for was playing Typing Tutor and typing essays. It was not fun.

-Internet. We did our research in Encyclopedias. Do they even make those anymore?

-cell phones. I got my first cell phone from my Dad when I was 18 I believe. It was the size of a banana. I seriously wish I would have kept that thing. So needless to say we had no texting. We had to find out where the party of the night was before we left school on Friday.

-Facebook. This is one I am actually glad I didn't have in high school. I really don't think I would have gotten anything done.

-digital cameras. We used film ones. Good thing we didn't have facebook - we wouldn't have had any pictures to post anyway.

-Ipods. We had mixed tapes and maybe a few CDs.

-GPS. With no internet and no GPS I am not sure how we got places. Maybe we asked for verbal directions. Or read a paper map?

-electronic notes. We had to hand write notes from the chalk board.

I am sure there are more I have forgotten.

Back to the pictures.

Here are my friends that I still talk to regularly 14 years ago. All but one. That is a whole other story.

I hope we remain friends after posting this picture.

Here is that same group of friends at the Cap and Gown ceremony.

I can't forget about Deena. Deena and I have been BFF's since the first day of Kindergarten but we attended different high schools. She came to my graduation as a guest anyway.

Me and my Mom.

My siblings.

Just the other month Kolby and I went to see the movie Bridesmaids. For those that have seen the movie you will know that they talk about the band Wilson Phillips. My friend Sara and I loved them and brought them back to life in high school when we found an old cassette. Yes, cassette. I was loving the reference and thought it was so funny to hear and see them again. After the movie I asked my 20 year old sister if she knew who they were and she laughed and said no.. Do you? We had a good laugh about the fact that I did. Thank you for bringing your older sister to the movie anyway Kolbs!

And finally the girls dressed pretty in their gowns.

Look at all those ringlets.

Looking at and pulling out pictures from that time of my life brought a smile to my face. The days where my biggest concern was how we were going to get booze and where we were going to drink it. The days where we spent hours talking about boys, what to wear, and how to style our hair. Sometimes I miss those days. Especially when I hear a song on the radio that reminds me of high school and all the fun things we managed to do behind our parents backs (sorry mom). So that brings us on to the top 20 songs of 1997.

1. Candle in the Wind, Elton John

2. Foolish Games/You Were Meant for Me, Jewel

3. I'll Be Missing You, Puff Daddy and Faith Evans

4. Un-Break My Heart, Toni Braxton

5. Can't Nobody Hold Me Down, Puff Daddy

6. I Believe I Can Fly, R. Kelly

7. Don't Let Go (Love), En Vogue

8. Return of the Mack, Mark Morrison

9. How Do I Live, LeAnn Rimes

10. Wannabe, Spice Girls

11. Quit Playing Games (With My Heart), Backstreet Boys

12. MMMBop, Hanson

13. For You I Will, Monica

14. You Make Me Wanna..., Usher

15. Bitch, Meredith Brooks

16. Nobody, Keith Sweat

17. Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind

18. Barely Breathing, Duncan Sheik

19. Hard to Say I'm Sorry, Az Yet Featuring Peter Cetera

20. Mo Money Mo Problems, Notorious B.I.G.

Don't try to tell me you weren't singing along with the songs as you read the list. I know I was.

Thank you 1997 for making my day today just a little better and for bringing a smile to my face on a day that I was feeling a little down. I don't want to relive you by any means but the memories that we shared will last a life time!

PS - Cooper is still sleeping my lunch is done and my glass is empty. This afternoon is turing out to be much better than my morning.

Updated - We woke up on Wednesday morning to Cooper's first tooth! The culprit behind the non-sleeping was teething. Let the teething season begin!

Summer Vacation to Saskatchewan 2011

I think the last time we were in Sask for 10 full days was in 2011, so I thought it was fitting remind myself what is was like to travel with a 1 year old and a 3 year old, much more work!  I remember this vacation like it was yesterday.

Here is the post originally posted on September 15, 2011






What did we do in SK for 10 days you ask?

Well let me tell you...

Cooper and Taiya got re-acquainted.  Cooper refused to share his spoon with her.  He is after all the 'big' kid in this duo. Unlike with his brother....

We went to Grandma's park across the street.  How convenient is that??

We chased dogs.  Don't be fooled.  Grady did not love Layla and Boomer at first and needed to be carried around for the first few days.  He came around better and faster this trip than he has in the past.

Cooper loved both dogs right from the get go.  He just couldn't get enough of them.  He would squeal with delight each and every time they entered the room.  

We went swimming at Grandpa Lorne's pool. 

The big kids went down the water slide.  Grady of course went down holding someones hand but boy am I proud of him for even trying it.  

They went off the diving board to.

Great jump Madi!!

Grady made Aunty Kolby work really hard swimming around with the chair that he jumped and slid into.  What a great idea!

Don't worry, Cooper was well taken care of on the grass while the big kids had their fun in the water.

Very well taken care of.

Grady loved the pool until he discovered the hot tub was much warmer.  He didn't go in the pool at all after the hot tub.  Can you blame him?

We did get into the slip and slide again this trip.  Grady did an alternate version since he still hasn't mastered sliding on his own.  We picked one up at Walmart for next summer for $10.  Can't wait to bring it out for G and his friends!

At the end of a great day of swimming, all the boys and Kolby (picture courtesy of her) took off to look at the BIG trucks where uncle Joel's Dad works.  I wasn't there, but I can only imagine how excited our little man was.  He even got to go inside the ones he wanted.  Little boy heaven I tell you!

Next up was the circus.  We went into this not knowing what to expect.  We figured this was a great venue to try it since it was outdoors and wouldn't be at busy.  It certainly wasn't busy!  I really enjoyed the circus despite no wild animals due to new border regulations they are apparently fighting.

We bought Grady cotton candy so he could get the full experience.  He touched it once and said it was too sticky.  It was no where near as tasty as I remember it being.  They also didn't make it fresh in front of you so it could have been old.

We got popcorn instead.

At intermission we got our photos taken with the clown and his car.  He actually fit in the car.  Impressive.  We paid $5 for the pictures that you take with your OWN camera.

Then we went to Grandma's park some more.

We also made it to the lake.  Cooper appears to hate it in this picture.

But in reality he loved it!

Grady stuck to skipping rocks with Grandma.  Although Dad seemed to be the pro at rock skipping.

Both boys napped on the way home.  Cooper did a lot of power napping in the car that week which led to the demise of his napping.

Grady eventually came around and grew to love Layla half of what Cooper did.

We went out to little red.  I have tons of memories at little red tobogganing, climbing the sand hill (that is now too steep to even think of climbing and ends right in the river) and having wiener roasts.  I also got stung by a bee out there when I was little.  My first and only time.  I remember the exact spot it was so traumatic.  Some of my memories involve sledding and beer.  That was obviously when I was a tad bit older.  

Grady was most excited about the swinging bridge.  Well any bridge for that matter and we walked across 3.

Love this pic of me and my little men.  If only Grady would have looked at the camera...

We went to Ruckers in Saskatoon with Madi.  I think James had more fun then Grady for the record.

We met baby Amelia.

Played with our friends for which I have no decent photos.

And before we knew it, it was time to go home.

Notice my techie son with his TV, Ipad, and Iphone tucked in the carseat.  How did our parents do road trips without all the gear we have now?

We came home exhausted and happy.  Well we were happy the next day. Who is really happy after 6 hours in the car.

I hope that our yearly trip to SK to visit both friends and family is one that we are able to uphold for the time being.  One that the kids moan and groan about but secretly enjoy every second of.  How could they not?  They are treated like gold everywhere we go and are spoiled rotten at each and every stop.  Who am I kidding - they won't even be able to pretend they don't like it.

Bottle vs Breast

This is one of the firsts personal posts I wrote where I struggled pushing the publish button.  It was written and published on December 22, 2010, a mere 6 weeks after Cooper was born as I came to the realization that once again, my body was failing me and I was unable to breastfeed exclusively.





Don't you hate it when you try so hard to be friends with someone and they just don't like you? I have tried everything to get along with her and she just doesn't like me. She doesn't cooperate, won't do what I want her to, and has really let me down.

What am I talking about you ask? Breastfeeding.

I wanted so badly to exclusively breastfeed Cooper and Grady and on both accounts, despite many efforts, it has not worked as I hoped. With Grady, the doctors figured out I had low milk supply when Grady 'failed to thrive'. It took him close to 4 weeks and many formula supplements to get back to his birth weight. I went on the motillium to increase my milk around the same time and it didn't have enough kick to drop the bottle feeds. So for 6 months I nursed Grady for 30 minutes and then gave him a bottle that was more than half of the milk he needed. Looking back, I realize I did this for so long because I wanted to breastfeed so bad. No one prepared me for the fact that it wasn't always easy and that not everyone who wanted to breastfeed actually could.

Fast forward over 2 years. I was ready to fight for the opportunity to breastfeed exclusively. And if I lost that fight, the plan was to stop at 6 weeks. This was the plan I was sticking to. I told everyone the plan thinking it would make the decision to stop breastfeeding at 6 weeks easier.... Unfortunately that is not the case.

I spoke many times with my doctor before Cooper was born about my experience with breastfeeding Grady. I asked for the prescription for motillium before he was born and planned to see a lactation consultant immediately. I blamed my low milk supply on Grady being a lazy eater that always fell asleep, the public health nurse who never followed up, the nurse in the hospital who didn't show me how to breastfeed, the doctor who didn't recognize the problem at my one week checkup, I blamed it on everything and everyone except accepting that i just wasn't meant to breastfeed.

When Cooper was born we tried BF'ing before even leaving the delivery room. Cooper ate like a champ. He was far from being a lazy eater. He literally ate up my nipples. Too much information I know. There is just no other way to explain it. I saw a lactation consultant who agreed that Cooper's latch was just not great and that I should take 24 to 48 hours to let myself heal. So I did. For the first 2 days Cooper was at home. I would pump while James fed Cooper a bottle of formula. It was exhausting.

I waited and waited and waited for my milk to come in. We did everything right this time it just had to come in... right? Wrong. I took all the right precautions to help my milk come in and mother nature let me down.Again. After seeing several lactation consultants over the first 2 weeks of Coopers life, they all agreed that he was only getting 1 ounce from the breast and 2 ounces from the bottle.

How long could I possibly do the 30 minute nursing session followed by a bottle. Each. And. Every. Feed? I turned back to my initial plan before Cooper was even born. The goal was 6 weeks and that is what we decided to stick with. Cooper was 6 weeks yesterday and we have started the weening process.

I really did expect it to be an easier decision this time. Don't get me wrong, there are pros to bottle feeding and that is what I am trying to focus on. The freedom of being able to leave the house without Cooper for more than 2 hours, the ability for James to take a night feed here and there, having a feed that takes less than 45 minutes... just to name a few. But will Cooper miss out on nutrients, immunity, and bonding that others get from being nursed for longer? I don't know. I'll never know.

I have talked to many friends about this. Some that have breast fed exclusively for 6 months to a year and others that went straight to a bottle for various reasons. The outcome of these talks is always the same. Each and every one of them felt judged for the decision they made. People either questioned why you were supplementing, why you weren't breastfeeding at all, or why you were still breastfeeding. It just seems that us moms can't win. The choice to or not to breastfeed is a personal one and not always a choice.

I chose to write this post to educate that breastfeeding isn't easy for everyone. I wish someone would have told me how hard it was to breastfeed. Maybe then I wouldn't have set expectations so high for myself and then been disappointed.

Now that I have that off my chest I am off to make a bottle to feed to my son :)

The day we got engaged

I am taking a blogging vacation this week.

While some of you have been reading my blog for the almost 9 years I have been posting, many of you are new, so I pulled a few old posts to entertain you while I am away.  It took all the power in me not to go back and change wording and delete sentences.  OK, I admit I fixed the spelling error

Here is the post originally from March 29, 2010.




5 years ago today Friday (I had good intentions of posting Friday it just didn't happen), James proposed to me. We had been dating over 3 years. I had been waiting for those four little words for well over a year. I wasn't sure it was ever going to happen. It wasn't that James had commitment issues, we were living together. I just think his concept of marriage was that it equaled ball and chains. Usually once a month for that entire year I would try to tell him that our lives would not change and the only difference would be my name change and the legality of it. His argument would always be if it wasn't going to change than what was the rush? These 'discussions' usually ended with me and tears and extremely frustrated.

When we moved in together in May 2004, it was because it was important to James. I would ahve prefered to not live together before being engaged because I was sure that it would just postpone the engagement. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? He was adament that someone he knew moved in with his girlfriend and they nearly broke up they fought so much. He wanted to be sure we were house compatible. So I said I would not live with him longer than a year. I move in and things went really well. No big fights. No incompatibility. No big issues. Over 10 months later I was still waiting.....

I remember wandering what I was going to do when the year mark came and went. I couldn't threaten to move out because I had no intention of actually doing it. I contemplated sleeping in the spare room but decided he might actually like that as James and I did not sleep well in our queen - he is a bed hog. We have since upgraded to a king which is great! So I just waited and hoped he would not let me down.... And he didn't.

I still remember how we spent March 25th, 2005 (the day before the proposal). We went to James parents and painted Easter eggs like we did every year on Easter weekend. What I more specifically remember is laying in bed that night and having a great talk with James. Just one of those intense talks about the future and reminiscing about our pasts. I also remember what I was thinking at the time - Should I or should I not bring up getting married. I pondered it and decided against it. After all, our talk was going so great, I knew that our conversation would end sourly had I brought it up. After the fact, James told me he laid there hoping I didn't bring it up. Not sure if we would have gotten engaged that next day if I had. Must have been woman's instinct for me to keep my mouth shut that night.

I had plans to go shopping for some new spring clothes that day and we had reservations at our favorite Italian restaurant in Kensington. I was gone a few hours and when I returned there was a scavenger hunt set up for me. I was so excited I started to shake - could there possibly be a ring at the end of this scavenger hunt?? I had hoped so many times I had to shake off the excitement and remind myself that it was just so sweet for James to put something like this together for me. I followed the directions which involved finding a certain number off eggs in each room. Then I came upstairs where the good stuff was :)

Yes, This is in the bathroom. Yes, the eggs are held up in shooter glasses. Yes, the eggs were hand painted the day before. Yes, I said Yes.

I couldn't have asked for a more romantic proposal. Was it worth the wait? Yes - but I still wish he would have proposed like a year earlier!

We stopped at James' parents that night between dinner and the movie to show them the bling on my finger. Here is the picture they took for us.

What still baffles me is why James waited over a year to propose when that night over dinner we discussed timing of our wedding and there was no postponing from him. I suggested Sept 2006 and he said 'why wait' and wanted to get married Sept 2005 - less than 6 months later! So that is what we did. I wasn't going to be the one that delayed our getting married!